Jason B Herald

Old People

By Jason Herald|Funny Stuff

OLD people have problems that you haven’t even considered yet!

An 80-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day the 80-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing…..’

The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbour?’

The old man replied,
‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’

Time Off

By Jason Herald|Funny Stuff

So you want the day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days: available for work. Since you spend 16 hours. each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days, available. With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work. We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be damned if you’re going to take that day off!!!!!