Juice
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, 'Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?'
Al replies, 'I don't know, let's ask our waiter.'
When the waiter arrives, Al asks, 'Are there any Mexican Jews?'
The waiter says, 'I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.' He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, 'No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews.'
Al isn't satisfied and asks, 'Are you absolutely sure?'
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos' replies, 'I check once again, senor,' and goes back into the kitchen.
While the waiter is away, Sid says, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere.'
The waiter returns and says, 'Senor , the head cook Tom, he say there is no Mexican Jews.'
'Are you certain?' Al asks again. 'I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!'
'Senor, I ask EVERYONE,' replies the exasperated waiter. 'All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews.'
All the senior ladies…
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND
THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO
THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BE-HIND.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER..
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
Indians
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that ... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Wal-Mart Greeter
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
'Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
'They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'