Archive for July, 2008

Diary of a Cat

Friday, July 25th, 2008

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.  They continue to pick me up and handle me, an obvious attempt to subvert me.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices to night.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released — and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Tonight I will again lay on their heads while they sleep and hope to smother them.

Diary of a Dog

Friday, July 25th, 2008

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride!  My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite  thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!t 12:00 PM -  Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My  favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Ran back and forth in the hall! My favorite  thing!
5:00 PM - Milk  bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to  play tug! My favorite thing!
8:00PM - Wow!  Watched TV with the people! My favorite  thing!
11:00  PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!